His Royal Highness, Wants a Divorce! Chapter 19

Chapter 19 – Since Ge Ge can do it, and Di Di can as well

Disclaimer: This is edited MTL. Do forgive any grammar mistakes as they are my own and not the author’s. I may add some of my own words for clarity sake, but I will try not to change the meaning of the whole sentence. When the author uses 成语 / Cheng Yu, which is something like idiom-like phrases, I may just translate them in simple English if they are not very meaningful. Otherwise, I will add a translation note. An example would be ‘不三不四’, I would most likely translate it as ‘dubious’ depending on the context.

Warning: Long Translation notes

Also, as I need to keep the other site family friendly, I’ve created this site to host the chapters that are NSFW.

Anyways, don’t expect too much regarding the NSFW part~ it’s only slightly explicit.

Original

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As long as Yan Ke had an idea in his head, he would definitely carry it out. He was about to close the door, but he opened the door again and stepped out. He went to the study room that the steward had cleared out for him a few days ago.

Yan Ke looked at the desk, everything that should be there was there. He pulled out an especially large piece of white paper and placed it on the desk.

Paper that has never been written on was too white and too new, it could easily be seen through by others.

Yan Ke thought for a while and opened the door: “Go and get me a pot of black tea.”

In this ancient time without dyes, Yan Ke could only think of using this method of washing the paper with tea to age the paper.

Yan Ke received the black tea brewed by a maid. He set the tea aside and waited for it to cool.

While waiting for the tea to cool, Yan Ke opened the city defence map to look over it. Staring at the complicated topography and markings, Yan felt that it looked just like the labyrinth garden at the back of the Crown Prince Manor, he completely couldn’t read it.

However, this did not stop him from painting it.

It doesn’t matter even if he couldn’t read it, blindly drawing was fine too. Anyway, there were comments written below, the area marked with a triangle was easy to defend but hard to attack, there were lesser guards but more archers there.

Whereas the area marked with a circle was easy to attack but hard to defend, more military force had to be assigned there, that area had to be firmly controlled.

Wouldn’t everything be fine if he just swopped the triangle and the circle marks?!

Yan Ke smirked and picked up an unused brush. He dabbed it in the black tea and lightly brushed over the white paper. The technique he used here was similar to a skill he had previously performed, slicing tofu on top of a balloon.

[T/N: Slicing tofu on top of a balloon is a way for chefs to show their skill with a knife. They have to control their strength to slice the tofu perfectly and not pop the balloon. Also, since it’s tofu, the knife needs to be sharp in order to slice it neatly, which increases the difficulty in not popping the balloon. For those who are curious, google 气球上且豆腐 / Qi Qiu Shang Qie Dou Fu / Slicing tofu on a balloon.]

Even though the bristles on the brush were soft, but the paper was very thin and he was dabbing it in tea, so it would be easy to spoil it. Yan Ke’s movements were gentle and his spirit was focused on his actions.

Originally he was just testing out this method without any expectations, but after putting the paper aside to dry it, the result was unexpectedly great!

Yan Ke chose a brush with the smallest tip and started copying the defence map. In the midst of drawing, the steward outside knocked on the door thrice to call him out while informing him that the imperial physician was here.

Yan Ke rejected him, and gently asked the servants in the manor to prepare some food for the imperial physician to eat first.

However, while he was tracing the map, he kept feeling that he had forgotten something very important. Probably because he was currently sick, and his mind was so dizzy, that no matter how hard he tried to bring it up from his mind, he still couldn’t remember what he had forgotten.

Yan Ke who couldn’t remember anything, briskly gave up trying to remember to avoid wasting time and began to concentrate and seriously copy the city defence map that can affect the survival of Yue Country.

When evening approached, Yan Ke who had not eaten for half a day finally couldn’t suppress his hunger. He put down the brush, hid the things and walked out.

The steward had been waiting outside the whole time. Upon seeing Yan Ke come out, he hurriedly called for the imperial physician to follow him.

In the living room, Yan Ke’s forehead was packed with silver needles. Right now, he felt like he was a hedgehog being displayed for others to admire.

[T/N: The imperial physician is using acupuncture, a technique of piercing needles at specific points on a body. Different points are targeted for different illnesses.]

As for who was admiring him, it was naturally the person furrowing his eyebrows, standing behind him in an especially dumb posture while staring at the silver needles on his head, the steward.

People who didn’t know would have thought that the needles were piercing the steward’s head instead.

Yan Ke let out a short laughter: “There is nothing else that requires your assistance here, you may all go back to rest.”

The steward said nothing and waved for the servants to return.

Not long after, he placed a few dishes in front of Yan Ke and smiled while saying: “Crown Princess, your body is not well, you should still have a few bites of food.”

Yan Ke nodded, originally, he was going to wait for the imperial physician to finish treating him before making a meal himself.

Unexpectedly, the steward brought a few dishes directly to him.

Yan Ke smiled widely, it is easy to change from being frugal to being extravagant, but it is better not to get used to being served by others.

After an hour, Yan Ke finished his meal and the imperial physician removed the silver needles from his head.

The steward busied himself. First, he got people to clear the leftover food. Next, he gathered some boiled medicine into a bowl and even considerately placed two candies beside it.

Yan Ke grabbed the bowl, downed it in one gulp, and put the candy in his mouth. The taste of greasy sweetness from the candy, did not neutralise the puke-inducing bitter taste from the medicine. Yan Ke felt that his mouth had suffered.

The imperial physician ordered: “Steward, the Crown Princess body is weak, the servants of the Crown Prince Manor need to serve him more carefully!”

The steward hurriedly nodded his head: “You’re right, this old servant wasn’t meticulous enough in his care, I deserve punishment!”

The imperial physician laughed, carried his medicine box, bowed to Yan Ke and left.

[T/N: The imperial physician is of a much lower status than Yan Ke so he has to follow a certain etiquette when saying good bye. I just used bowing to express the formality.]

Yan Ke had finished eating and had drank his medicine. Right now, he was feeling weary and tired. At first, he had planned to go back to his study room to finish his big project of drawing the defence map.

But his eyelids were sticking together already, he simply didn’t have the energy to do anything else anymore.

Hence, he got up, returned to his room and prepared to sleep.

Just after lying down, he heard two knocks coming from the closet. Yan Ke opened his eyes. His eyebrows twitched violently.

Wo Cao! No wonder I was thinking that I forgot something! So it was actually this important thing!

[T/N: 卧槽! / Wo Cao! means something like oh fuck!]

Yan Ke hurried to take the keys to unlock the closet. With an apologetic look, he faced Tang Qi who was giving him a black look: “I’m sorry bro, I forgot……”

Tang Qi who had been trapped inside the whole afternoon, finally managed to breath some fresh air after much difficulties, yet his mouth started to speak freely without restraint?

Tang Qi: “I think that Crown Princess, you didn’t forget, Crown Princess, you really want to kill me.”

Yan Ke spoke in the Straight Male^TM language: “If you want to think that way, I can’t do anything about it.”

[T/N: Author used 直男语/Zhi Nan Yu meaning Straight Male Language. It’s a bit hard to translate this bit but roughly 直男/Straight Males are stereotypes of males who are chauvinistic and/or insensitive. So the language of 直男/Straight Males refers to words spoken in a chauvinistic/insensitive manner.]

Tang Qi: “………”

Yan Ke yawned: “Alright, you can go back~ I will treat you to a meal next time, as compensation to you.”

Tang Qi: “………”

Tang Qi: “Yesterday you told me to tie you up, and then you fainted. But after you woke up, you seemed to have turned into another person. You even knocked me out, Crown Princess you…”

Yan Ke hid his face and started saying rubbish: “It’s an old illness I inherited from my ancestors, once I go crazy, don’t even talk about hitting you, I would even hit myself. If you don’t believe me, you can ask Meng You, last time, I had banged my head against the door and even fell unconscious.”

[T/N: Chapter 7]

In his heart, Yan Ke couldn’t help but give himself a ‘like’. He was really a little genius, look at himself, every word he said was without a flaw!

Tang Qi’s mouth twitched: “……Good Bye.”

Sure enough, if one wasn’t like the family, they would never enter the family. When Meng You was mad, he would hit others. As for the Crown Princess, when he was mad, not only would he hit others, he would also hit himself.

[T/N: 不是一家人不进一家门/Bu Shi Yi Jia Ren Bu Jin Yi Jia Ren, it means something like if your character/personality doesn’t match with the family members’ characters, you wouldn’t enter/marry the family or stay in the family for long. So Tang Qi is saying that Meng You and Yan Ke have similar personalities.]

Scary, Scary.

Yan Ke who had successfully scared away Tang Qi, had yet to lie down before another person came knocking.

When the door opened, the steward immediately delivered a letter to him.

Steward: “Originally, I was going to bring this letter after the Crown Princess has rested, but after thinking about it, this is the Lord Crown Prince’s letter, the Crown Princess has probably been feeling anxious while awaiting this letter, so this old servant brought it to you now.”

Yan Ke’s eyebrows were raised, he thanked the steward and with a face of delight, he received the letter.

Come on, let me take a looksy at whether my little explosive Meng You has sent me a divorce letter~

[T/N: By the way, contents of Meng You’s letter are in end of Chapter 14.]

As soon as Yan Ke opened the letter and finished reading it, he felt that his heart had been shattered to pieces, just like the minced meat in dumplings, he couldn’t put it into a paste again.

[T/N: Minced meat in dumpling is usually minced into very tiny bits and then placed inside the dumpling. So even if you rolled the minced meat together into a ball, when eating it, the texture of the meat still tastes like individual bits as opposed to the texture of mashed potato. The closest western equivalent to the minced meat in dumplings is meatballs.]

He pushed open the study room doors and started writing a reply to Meng You.

[T/N: HAHAHAHAHA, the second paragraph seriously caught me by surprise! But I’m sorry to say that I cannot do the translation justice so I will leave the original letter here for those who can read Chinese.]

：太子爷我真是谢谢你啊！我说的是和离就真特么的是和离！我喜欢女人，那种肤白貌美大长腿的，要是性格在温婉一点，就更好了。对了，我上次跟唐起去青楼看的那个小翠就很不错，娇滴滴的，我很喜欢。还有，太子爷这般误解我的意思，莫不是红鸾星动，爱上我了？爱上我了就直说嘛！

：不过太子爷您不是不举吗？太子爷您不想和离也没事，既然哥哥可以，那弟弟也可以。不过得委屈一下您在男人身下承欢了，你也知道的，我这萝卜对不上你那坑，说不定……血流成河也会是常有的事。

：为此，在心里默默的给您上柱香，保佑您菊花安好。

: Lord Crown Prince, I must really thank you! When I mentioned divorce, I fucking do mean divorce! I like women, the kind with white skin, good looks and long legs, if they have a gentle demeanour, that would be even better. Oh right, last time, when I went with Tang Qi to a brothel, there was a Xiao Cui who was not bad, she was charming and lovely, I really liked her. Also, Lord Crown Prince, you keep misunderstanding my meaning, could it be that the Red Luan Star has shined, and you have fallen in love with me? You should just say it directly if you have fallen in love with me!

: But Lord Crown Prince, you can’t ‘stand’ right? Lord Crown Prince, if you don’t want to divorce, it’s fine, since Ge Ge can do it, and Di Di can as well. But I may wrong you by not being able to provide happiness to the lower part of your body, since you know, my carrot may not fit with your hole, maybe……a river of blood forming each time would be a common occurrence.

: Because of this, I will burn incense for you in my heart, may your chrysanthemum be blessed.

[T/N: He is sarcastically thanking him for his ‘hard work’ in overthinking his words and twisting the meaning of his words. White skin, good looks and long legs is the aesthetics of a pretty person in China. Xiao Cui is a generic name, no such person actually appeared in front of Yan Ke at the brothel. 红鸾星/Hong Luan Xing/Red Luan Star is a star that represents marriage/romance.

既然哥哥可以，那弟弟也可以。I translated it to “since Ge Ge can do it, and Di Di can as well.” But it’s much dirtier than it sounds.

哥哥/Ge Ge – means older brother, but in gay terms, it can also mean the Top / Gong / Seme.

弟弟/Di Di – means younger brother, but in gay terms, it can also mean the Bottom / Shou / Uke. It is also slang for dick.

I’ll leave it to you guys to read that phrase whichever way you prefer.

Lord Crown Prince, if you don’t want to divorce, it’s fine,

• since I can be your Gong, and you can be my Shou.
• since I can be your Gong, and my dick has no problems.

I’m not sure if it’s obvious enough, but Yan Ke is saying that during papapa, since his ‘carrot’ may not fit into Meng You’s hole, bleeding is likely to happen. Tsk Tsk, this is why Yan Ke should not be a Gong, bleeding often is not okay. Anyways, I’m not sure if Yan Ke’s a Gong or Shou but I hope he’s a Shou~

Chinese people usually burn incense for prayers. Haha if you’re reading this, you should know what chrysanthemum means.]

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Author has something to say:

Meng You: Wifey, why are you wearing Pin Ru’s clothes?

[T/N: Original text was 媳妇儿，你为什么穿着品如的衣服？/ Xi Fu Er, Ni Wei Shen Me Chuang Zhe Pin Ru De Yi Fu?

媳妇 / Xi Fu in different parts of China can mean either daughter-in-law or wife.

儿/ Er is like a cute extension of a word.

品如/Pin Ru is a character in a show called “回家的诱惑 / Hui Jia De You Huo / Temptation of Returning Home”. There was a scene where Pin Ru’s husband slept with Pin Ru’s friend. After that, Pin Ru’s friend wore Pin Ru’s clothes and so Pin Ru’s husband asked, “Why are you wearing Pin Ru’s clothes?” And Pin Ru’s friend replied with “Since we want to make things more exciting, why don’t we do things more extremely?” Pin Ru’s husband replied with: “You are so coquettish.”

So this line became famous slang for calling out people when they are acting coquettish/flirty.]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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So aging paper with tea is an actual thing. For example, if you wanted to make a pirate’s treasure map prop, you can dab the paper with tea at random spots to ‘colour’ it and then put it into an oven to dry it. Warning: Not responsible if you blow up your house by setting the oven heat too high.

So just to add on to the meaning of some curse words.

卧槽/Wo Cao is a homonym of 我肏/Wo Cao. It means “fuck“, it is usually used just on its own without a continuing subject/noun. E.g. “Fuck, this is bad!” or “Fuck! I forgot to do something!”

特么的/Te Me De is a way of getting past censorship for 他妈的/Ta Ma De.

他妈的/Ta Ma De means “fuck” and is usually continued with a subject/noun, but it may or may not be rude. So to give some examples, it may be used as “This is fucking good.” or “This is fucking slow.” It’s literal translation is “his mother’s” but it is generally understood among the Chinese to mean “fuck”.

他娘的/Ta Niang De means the same thing as above, it means “fuck” and is usually continued with a subject/noun, but it may or may not be rude. So again, the literal translation is “his mother’s”. But 妈/Ma is a more modern word for “mother” while 娘/Niang is a more ancient word for “mother”. If you watch ancient china shows, people usually call their mothers in the show by 娘/Niang.

草泥马/Cao Ni Ma is a homonym of 肏你媽/Cao Ni Ma. 草泥马means alpacas or literally, grass mud horse. 肏你媽means “fuck your mother”.

So in terms of usage, 卧槽/Wo Cao and 他妈的/Ta Ma De is one of the more casual swears, although they mean fuck, the level of rudeness is more equivalent to the British swear of “bloody”. Like “This bloody useless thing” or “Bloody hell”.

他娘的/Ta Niang De is really uncommonly used.

草泥马/Cao Ni Ma is one you should avoid using unless you are scolding scum like Su Yu as this is one of the fiercer insults.

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